There are things that I need to say not knowing if my voice will ever be heard. Leaving behind a legacy of misunderstanding is not all fun and games. Not knowing if my words will invoke understanding. There are things that should be said. Someone out there may read and find themselves headed in the direction that I have managed to travel in. They may have the ability to turn around before it is too late. It is my prayer to those who read and find themselves in these words that they stop just a moment to love themselves enough to walk away right now. At this moment. It never will get better. There never will be a “good” time or the right time.
In the meantime you will only will take on more damage mentally and ultimately physically. In short you alone will suffer. No one needs to suffer like I am suffering right now. It is very avoidable. No one should ever be made to feel like they are less than. No one should be fed a steady stream of lies and false promises – there is nothing innate or inherent about any individual that deems one worthy of such treatment.
Shake off the fear to find the reason that is there and that shows up in glimpses from time to time. The fear of everything falling apart of everything being destroyed has to be overcome, lest you wake up one day like me realizing you’re in the second part of your life and of all the things that you could do without you are sans love which is the one thing no human being can live without and remain whole.
Tumbling down the rabbit hole to where you are surrounded by darkness holding onto hope that itself is merely smoke and nothing tangible. Stop your fall and save yourself a lot of tears and sorrow.
Right yourself and get up and walk away there is no unspoken law of chances giving extra ones do not create the opportunity for change only the air of being complicit and ok with something that your instincts scream out Is absolutely dead wrong.
There will be no change, there can be no change. The ship that is listing will not magically right itself. You will however capsize and perhaps drown in its wake. It never will become “better”. All the money in the world cannot replace human kindness, genuine caring and a compassionate touch.
If you are still reading this it is not too late for you. You need not fall into marking the time till the end of everything. You need not spend the rest of your life waiting for death to release you from the pain of a loveless existence.
Just walk away…..while you still can.
For me it is far too late….