Most are going all out for the holidays, I haven’t really had the inspiration for a “holiday” spirit in years. It is the way it is, having lost my son back in 2007, holidays just don’t resonate the same way with me anymore. Not to take anything away from holiday celebrations of others, but for me and others like me who have lost a child, holiday celebrations and the relevant festivities just don’t look the same.
This again is why I have refrained from writing too much on the subject of the Newtown tragedy. I can relate to every single one of those parents that lost a child. Watching the coverage is not something I am able to do and so I really haven’t watched any, save in passing. I can just about tolerate reading news articles – and that all depends on what the angle is.
Not trying to rain on anyone’s parade or be a debbie downer. The idea to write came to me as a way of reconciling someone being angry with me for not “getting into the holiday spirit” and being accused of ruining THEIR holidays. Since getting away from the source of that is not a possibility, coming up with a means to process that included sitting down and writing and so here we are.
I have been asked what I want for Christmas, and the only thing that comes to mind is freedom.
Note: the video was done by my son and is one of many he has done expressing his love for trains and transit systems. I selected it because the song lyrics in conjunction with the situation truly resonate with me.
[pullquote sid=”Every Breath You Take” type=”2″]Since you’ve gone I’ve been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but its you I can’t replace
…..I Keep crying.