When things seem to be most stressful, it is my writing here at least, that seems to go by the wayside. The holidays were in my mind something to get past as soon as possible....never quite got into the full holiday spirit.
Been battling depression on and off....working through the relationship with stanley with its ups and downs...and now getting back into working out watching more carefully what im eating and continue the progress that I had started last year.
Christmas I thought would be real difficult and in fact it wound up that New Years was way more of a challenge. While I was at turns, out of sorts through both, New years actually got me down to the point where i was always one step away from tears.
Everything around me suffered as the depression that came along with the holidays got me so down that just let everything go - around the apartment especially. The feeling was one of trying to do something without really wanting to or even knowing why.
I had a conversation with stanley on that very thing - what I need to figure out is the why to things now...more than the reasoning that "it has to be done for whatever immediate reasons" to redevelop or create new reasons to want to do anything - and i would gather that that was the depression talking.
I have decided to try and get more involved in the Barack Obama campaign for president. That stemming from my desire to develop some outside interests besides work and the gym. Hopefully a sidebar will be some more social situations which I have been sorely lacking in.
Which also leads me to the resignation from the board of the np which I have been feeling I need to do but circumstances and events have finally convinced me to step out once and for all. For one I don't have any reliable help and at its worst it is overwhelming with help - At this point I have no desire to try and forge new relationships with the basketball community here in the city.
No more guilt about the uniforms - either some one will come and get them or they will be gone there is no more I can do about that.
I spent the last few years fighting to stay involved in something that was the result of being in a relationship with someone else and "adopting" one of their causes - I didnt want it to be that way but in the end thats exactly the way it was. /is
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