I Give...

I have come to the conclusion this weekend that I need to go back to learning how to live alone. I feel I have perhaps because of my loss placed too much emphasis on a relationship that ultimately may not work out no matter how much I might have wanted it to.

I have been developing reservations about how I am being treated and this weekend really made me want to walk away or at the very least put some distance up or a wall or two.

Why call someone on friday and say you are coming over the next day Saturday and then just dont show up or make any mention of coming over until you are asked about it and then just nonchalantly say oh well i was going to try and see you sunday....

You know I know he has been dealing with his mother and all that family stuff but is this something that im supposed to just deal with and chalk it off to him being stressed out?

We tried having a conversation about this - and as i knew he would he threw up "all he's done for me - and the time he's spent, etc. and even made some statements about spending more time with me than at his own house....how a weekend translate into more time than mon to fri i dont know but i was really turned off by his response to what i was saying...and I asked from the point of view of wanting to know if there was something wrong...if there was something he needed to tell me...etc....because i said i didnt understand where he was coming from.

You know what he said? He just needs me to understand that he's under a tremendous amount of stress because of the situation with his mother...and that he also needs me to understand that he "needs his personal time to handle his personal things?"

I give up.....i refuse to argue...and at this point im just so thoroughly disgusted that i have been fighting with myself not to just go to the bus station and buy a ticket out of here and leave...

I don't like the fact that what i had to look forward to - because my life is so damn screwed up right now was spending time with him...the alternative being on my own which is what i am every single day anyway...