Friendship??

having cleared some of the "dust" out of my life that had been accumulating - things should start to look a whole lot better - these flashbacks however, are really taking a toll on my sleep and peace of mind...I don't know what if anything I can do about them for what i have heard there really isn't much you can do except wait for them to subside.

I am going to a support group meeting next week - The Compassionate Friends - volunteers who have also themselves lost children and they meet twice a month - the few ocaisions when i have spoken to someone who has lost a child it has seemed helpful so im wiling to try this and see - it can't hurt that much i know..and since im at 0 with regards to friends right around me i need to start working on that....(stan notwithstanding and this does not take into consideration friendships far away..)

when I talk about havign zero people around me - i mean i have no one calling me - if it wasn't for me talking to stan and my mother my phone would never ring. and I wouldnt have anyone to talk to.

IF it wasn't for me going out WITH stan i would only be going back and forth to work and doing laundry on weekends.

I don't have the "girlfriends" to go hand out - or to call and check on me and try and drag me out to go shopping - or get my hair or nails did - or whatever in the attempt to cheer me up or pick up my spirits...thats something i have to do on my own..and have been having to do on my own...

I know this needs to change - but since im not going hanging out at the club looking for friends, and since i can't get to my old church (too far away ) and i haven't had luck tyring to find a NEW church closer by - i just have to wait and be patient and try not to let it get to me overly much....

smh yeah right..................