June 2007 Archives

I was asked today by stanley what i saw in him and put off answering him at the moment because i felt like that was a conversation in and of itself. I felt however, the need to speak to that sooner as opposed to later,

I see in him, a hardworking man, unafraid of hard labor if thats what's needed,
I see in him a responsible man, who dilligently works at payng his bills on time, and budgets himself so that he can
I see in him, a man who is in the truest sense of the word, a family man, with very close ties not only to his immediate family but to his extended family as well that is heartwarming and very precious to see and experience first hand.
I see in him a man who has a great deal of respect and admiration for his parents and who was very close to his father- and still is close to his mother
I see in him an appreciation for the simpler things in life
I see in him a wonderful sense of humour and an inate ability to make people laugh in spite of themselves.
I see in him a deep and profound thinker hidden behind a nonchalant exterior that you have to get past in order to even know that exists in the background.
I see in him the ability to let his inner child out - without thought of what people will think or how it looks
I see in him real basic old school values about life and living and what's right and wrong

I see a man who is stronger than he may let on and who is filled with endless possiblities

He loves, unashamedly, he gives without regard to personal gain, he listens without judgement, and he gives advice only when asked for or sorely needed. ..he is supportive and caring at all times - is respectful and has a romantic streak a mile wide.....

so what do i see when I look at stanley....I see what my heart sees.....

Love....warmth .....caring.....and hope....all things i pretty much thought i had lost along the road of life....i am so very much enjoying rediscovering each and every one....

have to take a moment here and write about someone who has had a major impact on my life the short time he's been in it.

That person is stanley and I met him back in february, online and initially was not planning to really meet or get involved but dont knowfor some reason i wound up talking to him and eventually got things to the point of him coming by.

I didnt forget how tender he was and we from day one had good conversations Little did i know back then the rock that he was going to turn out to be.

Not too long after we started actually seeing each other in person, my son passed away and he was there for me in a way that to this day im amazed at. He was on the phone with me continually or he was at my place, fussing at me to sleep and to eat and to get myself in gear.....and I know in my heart that when i got back from Philadelphia that if there had been no one there with me that weekend I probably wouldn't be here now either. The grief was palpable i could taste it right there just threatening to overwhelm me and , stanley in his act of kindness - in wanting to be there for me...may have very well saved my life.

He continues to this day to do things that are somewhat surprising and incredibly caring. He's lost so many nights sleep coming over to my place to let the guys in to install my a/c that I am at a loss as to how to show my gratitude in addition to my dismay about him losing sleep.

We talk usually at least once a day, and he has been so very supportive of me during this time after my son's passing. I still have crying spells on occaision, and sometimes he's there and if he is he will hold me and talk to me until it passes, just had one this past weekend and we wound up talking about his dad, who also passed away from cancer and how it affected him similarly to how it was affecting me.

Sometimes i look at him and wonder, My goodness, what did i do to deserve him, he's like something that stepped out of a dream.

he's been caring, he's been helpful, he's offered his time and his energy without being asked, he's spent time with me and asked to spend more time with me - he's helped to create an environment around me that leaves me feeling happier than I have felt in years. And if you are still wondering, yes I am (in love with him). He makes me laugh especially when i could use the laughter. He's supportive of my endeavours and is always "there" to help me even when i don't even realize i need help. he's been accepting of me and of my situation where many people would have said uh....i will check back with you later on in life....

This from a man who i came perilously close to not seeing in the first place. Who now i can't imagine not being able to see him again....funny how life works....in order to find love i first lost the one thing i loved more than anything - my son....funny that...?