it's just hit me and hard i guess that this holiday weekend coming up, most will be spending it with friends and family having a good time and i don't have any family here....and that just messed my head up a bit........
Like the song says....alone again...Naturally....
In response to the numerous emails sent regarding the last post "Shoptalk" I feel I should address a few points.
It was several months ago that I started thinking about taking my braids out which not for nothing I have worn my hair braided for many years - I just was starting to feel that it was time for a change and that it was becoming too much of a burden on myself to keep doing it since I have been braiding my hair myself all that time(about ten years)
The "comment" that was made was not the reason for the change it just reminded me of what I already had decided but just never acted on. I don't think i was so starved for a change that i could just walk into any salon and get a new "do" as it were. I can't afford my hair to be busted right now. So i knew i was going to have to search around and find someplace that was reputable and had people who knew what they were doing. Nothing of course is guaranteed but i feel comfortable with the choice I made - distance wise, competency-wise etc.
As to the fear - face it it's been at least ten years since i changed my hairstyle that alone is enough reason, aside from that, there's the underlying current of "changing my life" which is based in losing my son - and the fact that my life will never be the same again and in all things now going forward everything is "new" and so there is a degree of fear present anyway, no matter what the subject is. It is however up to me not to succumb to it and in this case anyway go ahead and do what is needed which is why i just went ahead and made the appointment. Which actually was the easy part. Trying to figure out what hairstyle i want...is a whole nother story....
about two or three months ago I actually started thinking in terms of getting my hair done and takign the braids out but since i hadn't found a place to get it done and hadn't decided on what I wanted done with it I kind of left it on a back burner and figured I would get around to doing something with it at some point.
well then of course all hell broke loose and the last thing on my mind was a new hairstyle...i have on brief moments thought about it but again hadn't decided WHAT to do with it once i took the braids out so i let it go....but i guess there's nothing more motivating than someone "suggesting" you go get your hair done - especially if that "someone" is close to you....so i made an appointment for saturday morning and i will be taking these braids out friday night. But for some odd reason i dont feel either happy or relieved at the prospect....in fact truth be told im scared....of what and why I have no idea.....
Things have been so crazy around here...often times im not sure which way is up or down or sideways..I had to go back to work but I am convinced that I really and truly was not ready to go back just yet. But the prospect of having my insurance benefts withdrawn or worse wind up unemployed was not something promising.
People keep asking me how I feel and I still at this point dont' know how I feel. Other than to say I can relate to the old story about the dog sitting patiently by the doorway waiting for his master to return....not leaving for a second but just sitting there waiting patiently day in and day out waiting - not realizing his master is not coming back.....that about sums it all up in a nutshell ....
