I felt like i was ok today. This morning I was running late but managed to get in on time. Didnt have the urge to cry and wasn't fighting back tears like I was last week. MAde it through the entire day feeling pretty good. Then all hell broke loose.
Funny thing about feeling ok in the midst of tremendous stress, everyone is so concerned about how you are doing and yet you "feel" fine...but then things happen to make you wonder how "fine" you really are. I have been losing things like crazy and thats not me. I felt out of sorts and not up to riding the subway home so i hopped a cab home...and was ok until we got off the Brooklyn Bridge, got as far as the prospect expressway and then became horribly lost.....cabbie was none too thrilled and to my horror and dismay i burst out crying...skipping past that part i actually made it home...which is how im able to even post here...called to check on Dante and he sounded really tired...told him i would speak to him in the AM. Called my mother and cut that short since i didnt really feel so much like talking to her....and then decided to post.
Someday I will actually be able to write about the feelings and emotions that I have been going through these last few days but that day is not today. Again I feel fine, i dont feel depressed, or hopeless, etc...I feel the weight of all that has transpired in the last few days pressing against me like an oversized shaggy dog waiting for me to take notice of it. I know its there...like a bag full of poison needles and I guess thats why i just let it sit - and keep wishing for it to all just dissapear.
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