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August 4, 2006

The Road Less Traveled...

Two of the biggest holes in my heart are thing that i struggle with every day and as of yet have not found a way to deal with in an effective way that doesnt cause me nights in tears or days of emptiness and sadness....one is the lack of a stable, relationship. The other is trying to come to terms with not having any more children. Some of the happiest days in my life and the most memorable moments I have spent were being a mother and doing things with and for my son. Let it be told by people who know my son now and I am constantly told how he is the result of "wonderful parenting" and i just sigh when i hear it.

I don't know how you get to a place where this doesnt matter. I don't know how to get to the point where seeing babies doesnt make you want to go off somewhere and cry. I am not sure how you get to the place where you don't miss the feeling of a baby moving inside you doesnt bring you to tears. I don't even know how you get to the place where you can actually walk into a baby store and not burst out into tears.

Its more of a challenge for me at this time in my life as most of the people around me are either pregnant or just have had babies.

I really dont know how to get over this "empty, sad feeling" but i know i need to find a way. I just honest to God don't know how.

Posted by digitalmuse at August 4, 2006 9:04 AM

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