September 11, part of me died that day, or so i thought. I felt what I thought was the final nail in the coffin as it were. There was no way for me to know what if anything happened to W, and i was resigned to not ever knowing.
I remember having to go down to that part of manhattan and passing by what used to be the exit/entrance from the E train at chambers Street station and the tears welling up in my eyes.
But one constant in my life has been - not being able/willing to spend inordinate amounts of time brooding/crying over spilt milk. And so it was with this situation.
In an Ill-advised attempt to "get over it" and "move on" with my life, i started seeing B in october. In hindsight, it was so obviously a "rebound" relationship that even the person them selves was the antithesis of W and it was almost as if i was trying to construct a relationship that would be the complete "opposite" of what i had gone through with W.
The bad thing about rebound relationships is that for one, by virtue of it being a rebound means that in essence you have not fully recovered from whatever relationship you were trying to get over in the first place. Your judgement is suspect at best and your thought processes are not operating at 100% capacity. This was confirmed when after I thought i was being careful and cautious, i wound up realizing that I had fallen into the same dumb situation i was trying to escape from.
In realizing this, by the time i realized this, i had already gotten myself involved with putting together a business and had put an awful lot of hard work, time and effort into this and was not willing to allow what was a "doomed from the start" relationship to cancel out all the work i had put in up to this point.
I vowed to keep the business side of things separate from the personal. But when you are dealing with a totally unscrupulous individual this is impossible. It was only a matter of time before i would be forced to make some really tough decisions - namely to go on and continue to work towards the creation of the business/organization that I had envisioned or to just throw my hands up and walk away from everything.
Knowing me there really was no choice...in looking back there was only one choice i could make...so the business goes on and I no longer am in communications with B and we stopped speaking ages ago and probably barring unforseen circumstances will never speak again.
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