How incredibly fugged up is it to find yourself at 39 years of age...and involved with a married man who is about the ONLY person in your life that even tries to be supportive and is the only person around you that even makes you feel good. BEing number two is never what it is cracked up to be....
How incredibly fugged up is it to have an only child fighting cancer and struggling to stay in college which has been a dream of his for so long...all the while bouncing in and out of the hospital and giving new meaning to test anxiety when in fact if he doesnt ace every single one of his final exams he will have to leave the college he's attending and transfer back to a college closer to home...
How fugged up is it when you feel like crying or are upset you have no one to talk to
How fugged up is it when you feel so overwhelmed and burdened down by all the incredibly negative things going on around you that you just don't care anymore...
How fugged up is it that while your son fights his cancer your mother is diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing radiation therapy at the same time.....
How fugged up is it that your father, and stepfather, grandfather etc. all have died from cancer....
How fugged up is it that i wind up having to type all this crap here
My life is so incredibly fugged up right now i keep wondering why im still here because i dont feel im serving any purpose at all and each day i live i am forced to endure more and more humiliation, more pain and hurt....and i feel like my head should be exploding from all this and every part and every facet of my life is painful every where i turn and everything i do has pain attached to it....but im supposed to find the bright side of things and just carry on....
I am supposed to walk away from the only person that makes me feel even halfway human...and go back to being alone and scared.....
Who or what in the hell is the thing that seems to feel like i can take any and all types of crap and not give in....
well i give up...i can't take anymore...doesnt matter...because in all the stuff thats going on in my life one thing keeps ringing true...i just dont matter....and may as well be invisible because thats the life that im leading.
The title is a word my son gave me..or i should say told me about...its an acronym...means...Fucked Up Beyond All Reason....that is about a perfect description of my life right now...
Leave a comment