Steps Back....

Back in August i was contacted by an "internet" person via email - we spoke on the phone and in fact found that the person also lives here in NYC and so we communicated via the phone off and on. Of course the conversations moved from flirtatious to downright provacative at times but it was like ok it fit in with what was going on at the time.

Early on mention was made about coming over to my house which i discouraged due to very good reasons - none of which we got to discuss much. We spoke about meeting just not at my place this is going back to the last week of august - it is now the middle of september and we have not met yet.

Yesterday morning - we get on the phone and the conversation turns to meeting up that evening. To be fair there was a lot of trash talk but the bottom line was that we were supposed to meet up and that HE was going to call me on my cell to let me know what time to come by.

Well of course you know what happened - no phone call and when i did finally get home I called and he's not home.
I got no phone call that night - no email no nothing - and this morning I call around the usual time we speak and no answer

Well I dont knwo about anyone else but I'm pissed and i have already sent him an email and said im done. If i am being precipitous so be it....I feel like I would rather a little hurt now as opposed to bigger hurt later on down the line...right now im just dealing with so much - between my mother and my son and work and everything - i feel like i have no place in my life for things that are going to make me wonder or in this case that are going to hurt and are hurting. Do I care about this person - as much as i can care about someone I have known for a little over two weeks but have not seen face to face yet. Could I based on the conversations we have had if what has been said is true I could definitely care and be very happy but there's too many if's there and My heart right now just won't let me operate in "if" mode.

I will be ducking in the bathroom to cry today I know it....the tears are right there just waiting...

almost midday and i am happy to say that I haven't allowed myself to "succumb" to the "tears" that were threatening to come earlier this morning.

It has been noted as well that I have not heard from said individual as of yet...

Ok I am going to go out on a limb and impart some "fairness" into this tirade/rant etc. - this person is supposed to be enrolled in college and is apparently the primary caregiver for at least "one" child that I know of...