In the course of two years I have lost my step father to cancer, had my son diagnosed with an extremely rare form of cancer and as of yesterday had my mother also diagnosed with some form of bone cancer that has yet to be determined(the exact form)
I woke up this morning feeling like I had been run over by a freight train and contemplating calling out but decided at the last minute to just go in anyway and if I didn't feel any better when i got in I would go to occupational health and get them to give me something or just go back home.
So far Im not feeling quite that bad although I am not running around all over the hospital like I may be accustomed to doing on the regular. I figured today that I need to take it a little easier under the circumstances...although I feel like I am akin to the "walking wounded" in that I feel like im walking around a little dazed.
I dont know when they are scheduling the biopsy for my mother - I honestly haven't looked forward to talking to her since yesterday I just dont even know what to say to her....I am feeling tired to be cheerleading for people - being supportive and encouraging continually without yourself getting any encouragement or very very little takes it's toll as it has with me.
I think if someone so much as patted me on the back now I would probably pass out from overjoy...or exhaustion can't tell which.
There have been glimmers of support but they are extremely few and far between.
From time to time that "flight" reflex comes up to the surface but I am fighting that along with sucuumbing to the sadness that could very easily overtake me with all this that is going on right now.
I won't lie though to get away from all this for even ONE day would be more of a blessing than anything else.
Maybe
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