Too Much Heaven Take 6 Version – listen while you read…..pay attention to the lyrics, they are different than the original version.
Change has already come to my life. for the past several years, my life has been full of changes.
My choices based on the changes have sometimes worked out well, other times not so much.
The repercussions of which I am still grappling with to this day. Misunderstood as often is the case and too tired to advocate on my behalf unless it is a direct appeal to God himself.
One thing has remained true throughout all the changes, my life has spiraled closer or turned a notch tighter after every hurt. Each pain and disappointment has brought me even closer to God.
While having been tempted to find solace with people, my spirit just at the end of the day wouldn’t let me sink that low.
Compassion amongst those who are purely motivated by lust is understandably in short supply. How pain can make us seek to damage ourselves in a desperate attempt to free ourselves from the initial pain. kind of like how animals caught in traps will bite off their own limbs in an attempt to free themselves.
In this case, that method is of little use and is besides the point. It would seem that God wants to revamp my life and has spent the better part of the last several years trying to get my attention to do just that. It’s been difficult to figure out much in the midst of so much pain, but I guess having to do it so much, “practice makes perfect”. So even now in the midst of pain that no words can do justice to, I turn to the only one that I know that I can depend on no matter what.
Tomorrow is a day of renewal and changes. Tomorrow I will for the first time in my life get baptized and turn my life completely over to God. Not knowing what direction my life is headed in, putting aside all the things that up to now I felt were important. Stripping away the things that I placed significance in and waiting instead for God to use me as he sees fit.
There is pain now, but there also is a realization that it will not last forever. There is sadness now, but if God cannot bring light into this situation – who could? No amount of medication can fix a broken spirit. therapy is a good catalyst towards healing, but God is in the healing business. Who better to heal a spirit that has been wounded and is battered.
So even as the tears fall tonight again, as they have for a while, I know there is an end and it is not far away.
Even as the pain in my heart fights not to be forgotten and jumps forward to remind me of hurts and loss….I know that because God loves me, this won’t last….